I don't speak slang

Bra, last night was a lank sick jol, bra, epic smut with my floss. What is that? What does that mean? Surely there are easier ways of communicating the grandeur of the previous evening’s festivities. I’m not saying that I’m completely against the use of slang. It just eludes me how people can use it so often in the space of one sentence. Slang has penetrated the English language and cemented it’s prominence in the vocabulary of the wannabee surfers and try-hard hipsters.

Do I use slang? Yes, occasionally I do. It’s good to keep up with the times and know what people are actually saying when they feed you a mouthfull of gibberish. But slang should be used with caution. It should be the small hint of spice in an already delicious dish. Slang is there to complement your vocabulary, not to dominate it.

People can get too attached to slang and end up relying on it to communicate. This translates into a neglect for the English Language and people begin to flounder when faced with having to string together a sensible sentence. But the way people speak has changed a lot over the years. I would find it rather disturbing and slightly amusing if we all spoke the way they did in Shakespeare’s time. So I’m not saying we need to halt the evolution of human speech.

Slang is also used too loosely. Because slang words are fabricated, their definition is hard to pin down. Take, for example, the word, “vibe”. “Vibe” can be used in various ways to mean different things. “Last night was such a vibe.”; “Are you two vibing?”; “What’s you’re vibe tonight?”; "Let’s have a vibe at your place this weekend.”. Basically, the word “vibe” can be slotted in to replace the words: good time, flirting/courting, plans and party. Imagine you were to actually construct a sentence using all those words but substitute them with vibe. It would not make sense. The thing that frightens me is that people exist out there who would do such a thing and think nothing of it.

Slang is a wonderful thing. It really is. I find it to be an expression of one’s creativity since, after, all that’s essentially what it is – People creating new words or new ways of using words. I just don’t want the English Language to be forgotten about. Let slang be a device used in moderation. As in most cases, “less is more”. Don’t let slang rule your tongue. People have a lot of interesting and important things to say. Why not say it properly?

'Punch a taxi driver in the face' - day

They hoot, they swerve, they shout, they speed, they overload and they multiply, but can they actually drive? Legally, that is. Taxi drivers in South Africa are the excrement under my shoe. They dispel any concern for etiquette on the roads and cause drivers unnecessary anxiety and road rage. They pack their Toyota “busses” far past their capacity and drive without concern for the lives on board or surrounding. Their negligence is the source of so many traffic accidents yet they continue to pursue their aspiration of being the most inept drivers on the road.

Yesterday, my father was cycling in Port Elizabeth along the beachfront. This is something he does regularly, being the fitness junkie he is. He probably left the house that day expecting to get some exercise under his belt with the added bonus of catching some fresh air. He wouldn’t have given much thought to the possibility of being assaulted by a taxi. He should have, however. While cycling along the side of the road, a delinquent taxi driver decided, in his mindless haste, to swerve (as they do) into my dad. Their intention was unclear but taxi drivers can’t be held capable of actual thought. My dad was knocked off his bike and fell to the ground landing with his arm under the taxi.

Luckily the taxi driver stopped before he could do more damage, got out his vehicle and helped my dad to his feet, all the while apologising profusely. If that sounds fabricated, it’s because it is. Taxi drivers don’t stop. They probably don’t know how to. So, over my dad’s arm he drove, completely oblivious to the destruction left in his wake. Luckily a driver (with a license) saw the incident unravel and stopped to assist my injured father. Apparently the taxi was inches away from murder.

So what’s to be done now? Do you go to the police? Do you get the insurance details of the taxi driver? Do you act surprised when you find out the taxi driver can’t even spell insurance?

Taxi drivers are traffic menaces. But we can’t blame them since they don’t know how to drive. If you were to place a 7 year old child in the driver’s seat, hand them the keys and tell them to “go wild”, you’re asking for an accident to happen. But, do you blame the child? No, children don’t know any better. You blame the person who allowed them get behind the wheel. This government is beyond help when it comes to the leniency with taxis in this country. They are always too full, too fast and too reckless. But, they provide transport for the masses so they can be justified as being ‘necessary’. Another thing that can be justified as a ‘necessity’ would be drivers having obtained a legitimate driving license. Also, justice could be thrown in there, but who am I kidding.

Face the fats

If you don't get this print ad, you're a moron. In all its simplicity, it communicates the insight in a recognisable, funny and relateable way. The visual is very effective in collaborating the insights: if you're overweight, you're unhappy about it and if you're overweight, you most likely want to change that.

In a perfect world, we would all have bodies resembling either that of Brad Pitt in Fight Club or Gisele Bundchen in, well, life. But this world is far from perfect, I'm afraid. You see more Rosie Odonalds and John Goodmans slumping around in our painful reality.

But it doesn't have to be this way. No, Speed-Fit provides the opportunity to combat the unhappiness attatched to being overweight by getting in shape. They promise a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you're just going to have to run all the way there to get it.

The visual of an overweight man's stomach resembling, in all its spectacular irony, a sad face provides a bit of comic relief. The comedic appeal of the ad entices you to pay some attention to what's written in the lower, left-hand corner. "Unhappy with the shape you're in?". People who have an issue with their weight or physical appearance look at this ad and think: "Yes, I am.". The humourous nature of the visual is dissarming and allows you to have a laugh at the situation depicted while still being able to relate to it.

So many advertisements concerned with improving your physical condition involve barbie and ken wannabees. They blindly promise that if you make use of the product or service being advertised, "you too could look like this"! I find those adverts mindless and insulting. This print ad simply states the obvious and offers a solution. Also, it's a concern if your stomach is capable of expression.